Lately after I gave birth to my no 6, and despite having huge challenges with time for myself...I have been doing a lot of thinking, thinking about the goals that I set for this year for myself and most importantly...the kids! More about what I have achieved and not, later...
But today, right this very moment...I just don't know how to describe my feelings...think it's way past the anger threshold...this morning after logging in at work and having a quick coffee, I dashed to Bangunan Mara to get the forms and details for Khadijah's application into MRSM. To me that was a real hassle as first and foremost I hated Jln TAR and thereabouts, don't care about the kedai kain there, but, I just can't stand the traffic there. Secondly, I hated the parking there, or rather not so convenient and enough parking lots...so I ended up having to park in B2 at this new gloomy looking building next to Bangunan MARA...the entrance and exit to the parking was through side doors, I was almost running in my platform sebab takut!!! Got the forms and ran back to my car...
After all that and I got a call to say that my daughter who's sitting for her PMR, yeah the much harapan mak bapak, the clever one, the multi talented one, who said no to me if I wanted to send her lunch today, had gone off to Carrefour with her friends for lunch!! I sent lunch to her last week, you see! And she still has a paper after lunch, and going out of the school premises during exam! Dah tak sabar nak jadi adult gamaknya!
And last night we heard from Yusof''s ustaz about one occasion where he actually slept in class under the table while his teacher was teaching....and of course many more stories, the not so nice ones...
Sometimes, I wonder if the sacrifices that we have been making have been worthwhile after all...I know back then and until now I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt the feelings of mak and ayah....
Yani
ReplyDeleteperasaan ni ada pada semua yang bergelar mak dan ayah..bertapa kita bekerja kuat semata mata untuk anak, sanggup bersusah payah..ada kala nya hati terguris dengan perangai anak anak ni...
Tapi ini sebenar nya satu pelajaran buat kita...dan tangani lah masaalah ni dengan sabar dan bijaksana...Mereka ni masih budak budak yang tahu nak senang saja..fikir kan yang senang senang saja sebab bab yang susah susah tu mereka serah kan pada kita untuk selesai kan....
Perjalanan kita masih jauh lagi..selepas ni macam macam hal akan kita tempuhi...macam akak ni lah..kalau dok fikir pasal masaalah jer, rasa nya mau uban akak ni bertukar kaler jadi hijau pulak...so tarik nafas panjang2 dan selawat banyak2....pastu buat kek sedap sedap...
Hang in there Yani. I only have half the kids you have..but already some times I feel like pulling my hair out..I feel so unappreciated at times!!
ReplyDeleteIt will be worth all these sacrifices insyaallah. You're doing beautifully with the kids judging from what I read!
Take care!
Awww Yanie, trust me they will do just fine. I know coz look at you. It's just the phase. Yes, kids do make us cry, I have started crying already. It's just one of those times you know, and I am sure they didn't mean to hurt your feelings. You are a wonderful mother and trust me they do know it.
ReplyDeleteDah go bake me a cake to make both of us feel better ;o)
i said to yusuf, im not looking forward for the kids to grow up...at least now we know where they are, what they do..nnt dah besar, kita mampu tgk dr jauh saja...sedih la i...
ReplyDeleteDear Yani
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for you. How we wish it is a lot easier bringing the kids up kan? I have been wanting to quit the job too, if I have my way. Tapi Allah maybe tak beri I jalan yang mudah. This is dugaan dia.
Banyak banyak communicate and engage with the kids. That could improve the situation.
kak ezza, anedra, wiz, lyana, tm.....kalau dulu mau i "jual" semua anak-anak i...but think i have really mellowed down, dgn anak suara pun tak keluarq..cuba @ office...you can ask the engineers, ada yang takut nak call me,they said am very garang...tulah anak-anak dah amanah kita, tanggung ajelah...yup, tm anganging and communicating helps, tapi ada jugak yang dia orang corner i!!
ReplyDeleteKG
ReplyDeleteOhhhh, how i feel you. Hang in there!